9 posts tagged “happy”
Recently I put a Turkish proverb up as my Facebook status that said "No matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back." I first saw this on a friend's IM message and mentioned it in a blogpost even then.
One person commented "the problem is being sure whether the road is wrong." I've thought about that quite a bit the last few days. Every path is a personal one, I have no absolute answer to what makes the road wrong. Some roads are clearly awful and no one should be on them - like drug addiction, crime, abuse, etc. You might argue that those people are lost in the backwoods somewhere. The wrong road may be a boring trip to somewhere that doesn't make you happy or inspire you or fill you with all the rich experiences the world has to offer. That road isn't living, it is merely going through the mechanics of existing. The wrong road isn't always a painful one. What is the wrong road for me might be the right road for someone else. I can take a lovely road trip but if I end up in Vancouver when I wanted to get to Vegas, it was the wrong road.
I think the real point of the proverb is that when you realize you aren't headed in the right direction for where you wanted to go, continuing to go on to the conclusion of the trip because you've gone so far already makes no sense. Yeah, you get somewhere, but it wasn't where you wanted to go!
I am grinning ear to ear tonight. A friend of mine is in love. She was tellling me how he gets her sense of humor, that they have this amazing chemistry... then she starts sending me urls to photos of him. This is kind of a big deal. We've been friends for years now and she never once talked about relationships - to the point where I honestly had no idea what her gender preferences were in a partner. But now she is telling me how they met and her pet name for him, and wouldn't you know it I find his blog. Reading over it, I can see how crazy in love he is with her (and his pet name for her too). I have never met him, but I am so wildly happy for them both. True love is a rare gift to be cherished when you find it, I really hope this is it for them.
I don't want to look back at my year and say 'wow, I sure wasted a lot of time on the internet'. So I'm Twittering and Facebooking less, and probably won't be on IM as much either. I'll still blog from time to time, it's not like I'm abandoning all internet communication, I'm just making an effort to throttle back. The internet is a weird way to feel connected with people you aren't actually spending time with, it is a false connection in some ways that can leave you feeling empty. So why not invest time in actually doing things with people IRL? And when I can't go out (like kid weeks) and I don't have friends who are interested/available in coming to hang out at Mission HQ, that is a great time to read, paint, knit, game, or do things to improve my home. Or work. Yeah, I'm still doing a lot of that at night and on weekends too.
Since deciding this, I have spent some great quality time with the kids, invested a few hours into refreshing my household budget for 2009, worked, devoured the short book This Is For You by Rob Ryan (a Valentines gift from a dear friend), and started reading Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips. I love reading, and haven't done nearly as much as I would like in the last several years. At first choosing a book from my very large collection of Things I Bought But Haven't Read Yet was intimidating. The last book I read was Farenheit 451 and it made such a deep and profound effect on me, I figured anything I chose would be disappointing by comparison. Given how out of practice I am at leisure reading, I decided to start with popular fiction that I know a friend is also reading.
The premise of Gods Behaving Badly is that 12 Greek gods are still on earth and living in a townhouse in London. Artemis is a dog walker. Apollo is a TV psychic. Aphrodite is a phone sex operator. Dionysus is a DJ. Eros has become a Christian. And being immortal but no longer worshipped, they are bored, unhappy, and losing their powers. The first night I picked up the book I read through chapter 12. The final page of chapter 12 said something that struck me deeply, and reminded me of why I loved F451.
"If you knew you only had a hundred years to live," he said eventually, "what would you do with the time you had left?"
-Eros to Artemis
An excellent question that underlies many of my favorite movies too (American Beauty, Stranger Than Fiction). If you aren't happy now, what are you waiting for? Life is finite, and no one knows how much time they have left, so figure out what makes you happy and go do that.
It surprised me that this first seemingly trivial book I choose to read reminds me of my goals for 2008, to live deliberately, that every day I wake up I have within myself the potential to do anything, and the future holds untold opportunities. I do not want to drift through life, don't want to make my decisions based on comfort of the known/present or on fear of the unknown/future. I don't want to live my life based on what other people or society think I should want or do, but go out and experience everything the world has to offer. So I guess it isn't such a bad book to start with after all, because it reminded me of this and reinforced the decision to adjust where I have been spending my time of late (sorry Tweeps).
And then, the very next night, a friend had the following message on his IM:
"no matter how far you've gone down the wrong road, turn back"
I'm not a spiritual person, I don't believe in 'signs', I think people see what they want to see most of the time. Maybe I'm looking for inspiration or validation that my life philosophy isn't totally naive and crazy. I don't know. I just know that I had a challenging winter and am feeling more like my usual self again, filling my life with hope for a future full of joy and happiness, rich new experiences and rewarding interactions with the world around me. I'm feeding my soul with music and books, and trying to focus on the limitless potential of the wide open future. I know there will be sadness and hurt, that is inevitable and part of life. And that's okay. I'm not so Suzy Sunshine as to think that life will ever be 100% perfect 24/7. I still choose to look for the good each day. Just trying to stack the Self Fulfilling Prophesy deck in my favor.
aka Hercules.
Listed here for your enjoyment as demanded by Sharkey. I add songs here and there, it started as just 18 tracks. I've created a Hercules playlist on Finetune you can listen to, but it lists the songs alphabetically and doesn't retain my song order. So I've also provided my lineup after the widget.
Freedom! '90 - George Michael
Groove Is In The Heart - DeeLite
Ready To Go - Republica
Move Along - All-American Rejects
How Far We've Come - Matchbox 20
Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Friday Night - Lily Allen
Somebody Hates You - Snake River Conspiracy
Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
Cassius Clay - Booda Velvets
Pain Lies On The Riverside - Live
Overblown - Mudhoney
Stand - Liquid Jesus, Pump Up The Volume soundtrack (not on finetune)
Ain't No Other Man - Christina Aguilera
Are You Gonna Go My Way - Lenny Kravitz
Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet
Drop Dead Gorgeous - Republica
Lovesong - Snake River Conspiracy
Afternoons and Coffeespoons - Crash Test Dummies
Yield - Indigo Girls
Kiss - Art of Noise featuring Tom Jones
Superman - REM
The Promise - When In Rome
Things Can Only Get Better - D:Ream
Windpower - Thomas Dolby
A Little Less Conversation - Elvis Presley (JXL Radio Edit Remix)
Knock 'Em Out - Lily Allen
Police On My Back - The Clash
Fly Away - Lenny Kravitz
Closer To Fine - Indigo Girls
Bitch - Meredith Brooks
Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple
Hazy Shade of Winter - The Bangles
Candy - Iggy Pop & Kate Pierson
Just Can't Get Enough - Depeche Mode
I Think I Love You - Voice of the Beehive, Honey Lingers (not on finetune)
School of Rock - Jack Black, School of Rock soundtrack (not on finetune)
I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis
Veronica - Elvis Costello
Breakfast At Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something
Least Complicated - Indigo Girls
Beautiful - Christina Aguilera
Praise You - Fatboy Slim
Out of My Head - Sun 60 (not on finetune)
Everlong - Foo Fighters
I Believe (When I Fall In Love) - Stevie Wonder
Ironic - Alanis Morissette
All The Small Things - Blink182
Waiting For You - Seal
- decided where to hang my large framed catwoman poster
- cut the mat and framed my augographed Thomas Dolby poster
- knuckled down and did the math to ensure the five Blue Sun travel posters were
- centered on the wall
- evenly spaced
I’ve answered why Henry, and why I named the bike at all, but why did I get a motorcycle to begin with? If you don’t ride, you might be thinking “mid-life crisis”. If you do ride, you probably think the obvious answer is “because it’s awesome”.
When I was an invincible immortal (translation: 4th-6th grade) I whipped around a homemade desert dirtbike track on the back of my friend Dawn’s dirtbike. She drove, I was too uncoordinated to kickstart the thing without flooding the engine. I think we wore helmets, not for safety, but because we thought they were cool. Then Dawn moved far enough away that we grew apart and found new friends because our parents didn’t want to drive us across town to visit every weekend. Thus ends my motorbike riding history.
A couple years ago a motorcycle passed me on a scenic highway and it was like reality was briefly parted in its wake and in the space left behind I thought ‘that looks like fun’ and had a wistful feeling of yearning to experience it. Then the fear rushed back in and I remembered all the reasons why I couldn’t, why I shouldn’t, why I wouldn’t. As far as I know, no one in my family has ever ridden a motorcycle. I was *cough* years old. I was a mom. I was <insert social stereotype here>, and suffering from the belief that I had to live up to some societal expectation applied to me by other people.
It wasn’t just social pressure keeping me off 2 wheels though. I was scared shitless. I’m a control freak. I hate high speed because it feels out of control. After the startling realization that I wanted to ride a motorcycle, it was a year before I started considering asking to ride with a friend. And ‘who do I ride with’ was a major consideration. I thought long and hard about who I trusted to be skilled and experienced, someone who wouldn’t be prone to testosterone fueled grandstanding and showing off that would either put me at risk or scare the crap out of me, and who had a bike that I would be comfortable riding. Magic 8 Ball says: all signs point to the office next door. That’s right. My coworker who has been riding 20+ years, who I knew would be understanding of my fears and take care of me, who rides a bike the size of a small sofa (not a crotch rocket that I’d have to cling on their back like a koala, but something with a back seat for <deity>’s sake, I couldn’t fall off if I tried). And still, pulling out of the parking garage the first ride, I was terrified. All that was running through my brain was ‘ohmygodohmygodohmygodwhatamidoingstopstopstopgetoffnow’. But by the time we got back to the office after lunch my cheeks hurt from smiling. I was still terrified the second, and third, and fourth time I rode passenger. But each time it got easier.
This year, my resolution was to live deliberately and not just drift through life doing what I’d always done, or what I thought I was supposed to do. To be fearless. To not waste time on the planet but actively seeking out new experiences. To figure out what makes me happy and do that. Which is all pie in the sky, but at the end of the year how would I know if I’d actually done it? I decided that in 2008 I wanted to learn to do two new things that I’d always wanted to do but hadn’t. One was learn to roller blade, which I did this summer. (I’m not great at it, but I haven’t fallen on my ass yet and I have a RETARDED amount of fun doing it). The second was to learn to ride and get my motorcycle endorsement. I have now done two things I wanted to do, but for whatever reason didn’t think I ever would, or could, do. And that makes me feel strong. And happy.
and I just might stop to check you out!
ok, the Violent Femmes are teh awes0m0rz but i really am high as a kite, it isn't just a music reference being applied to something else. i am totally high on endorphins. i used to work out in the morning before work. i am NOT a morning person. i always had to drag my ass to the gym, then rush to shower and get to the office... tonight i worked out at 6:30 pm. 20 minutes rowing, 20 minutes elliptical. my resting heart rate is normally 69 bpm and according to the monitor i was working out with a heartrate of 145-150. i left the gym, it is a beautiful sunny day, i'm singing along with music from my 'hercules' playlist on my zune which makes me feel happy and invincible and damn do i feel good! i know i'm jacked up on my own biochemicals but wheeeee this is fun. i am SO going back to the gym tomorrow after work. w00t!
other coolness, my son turned two this weekend and got a tricycle. everyone thought the helmet would be huge on him, but it actually fits better than anyone expected. of course it was time for his big sister to move up to a 2 wheel bike, so we got her one even though it isn't her birthday for another 7 months and wow is she a natural at it. they are as always, the cutest kids in the world. the weather didn't really cooperate for the morning party at a local park so we ended up squeezing into my place, but it was still fun and it got sunny in the afternoon which worked out for bike riding. i'll post more pictures later after i've sorted through them all.
speaking of 2 wheel bikes, my novice motorcycle safety course is scheduled finally for the first week of september! yay! i'm going to call every week or so to see if they get any cancellations for an earlier course, but september isn't so bad. i'm nervous and excited.
and that leads nicely into other nervous and excited things, i drove a stick shift car today for the first time in 13 years. i wasn't nervous until i sat in the drivers seat and realized just how long it had been. and this car is a RX-8, way nicer than my crappy old '79 Pinto. i was driving on my own, so at least i wasn't having anxiety about screwing up in front of anyone. but i drove a circuit around the parking lot before pulling out just to remember wtf i was doing. for the first couple blocks i was thinking 'wow, this is a lot more work than an automatic transmission, this kind of sucks' but by the time i got to my destination, i was having a lot of fun. on the return to the office (i was just delivering something a co-worker had forgotten in her office to their team offsite) i remembered just how fun it is to drive a manual transmission car. i didn't stall or grind gears at all, and was super excited to find i am still able to balance the clutch and first gear so i don't roll backwards down a hill when stopped. i was amazed at all the really bad drivers on the road. yeah, you have to pay a lot more attention to driving, but hell, SHOULDN'T you pay attention while driving? i felt so much more connected to the vehicle... just makes me wish i could afford a new car, but even though i might be able to find a way to make the payments, the fuel expense would be crazy. have you seen how much a gallon of gas costs these days?
Eliza is a beautiful Triumph Thruxton motorcycle I had the good fortune to ride (passenger of course, not driver) twice last week - which makes the total number of times I've been a motorcycle passenger = four. By the end of the second ride on Eliza I felt like i was getting competent as a passenger, more able to tuck in and lean with the bike on turns instead of just being nervously rigid behind the driver and worried that my leaning would throw everything off or make their job harder.
I understand now why people who ride are so enthusiastic about it - it really is an amazing experience that defies words. Without being a terrifying jolt of adreneline like a roller coasters or bungee jumping, riding is a fantastic mood booster - a friend used the term 'mainlining happiness', which is as good a description as any I can think of.
yay. so much fun.
Seems like this was a less-than-fun Monday for a few of my friends. Some had brutal commutes thanks to crappy weather. Some are having relationship issues. Some are annoyed with work. All of them could use a bit of cheering up.
I don't know how you could listen to this and not smile.
