46 posts tagged “kids”
Making babies is fun. If it isn't, you might be doin' it wrong.
Having babies is painful but brief, and hormones insure that you later develop amnesia for that bit.
How challenging being a parent is appears to be directly correlated to how good a parent you are trying to be.
Since coming back from vacation I have been focused on being a better parent, and have been doing a good job of remaining calm in challenging situations with the kids. Tonight I am emotionally exhausted though from a near one hour battle of wills with my almost 3 year old. I didn't lose my cool despite getting frustrated. I was trying to get him to use words to tell me what he wanted instead of pointing and grunting or crying. He is non-verbal to the point that I am very worried about his speech development - he completed 8 weeks of speech therapy this winter, and despite the short term improvement I think he is going to have to go back.
So here is what happened: Chris has a tantrum because his hands are dirty and he wants me to wipe them for him. He has a napkin. He isn't asking for help, he is just holding his hand out and holding the napkin towards me, and making non-verbal noise. When I won't help him and tell him he can wipe his own hands with his napkin, he melts down and throws his napkin on the floor. So I take his food and water before he throws those as well. He calms down and starts pointing at them. I say 'what do you want? tell me what it is called. use your words' and a variety of other things to try to get him to verbalize. This goes on for almost an hour. He is crying and frustrated, and clearly STUBBORN. I am feeling like a bad parent, starving my kid to make him speak when he is clearly communicating, just non-verbally. Finally I give up and get up to put him in his jammies and he panics. I ask him 'do you want this?' while pointing at the food. He nods yes. I say 'what is it called?' and he says 'bood'. FINALLY. So I hand him the bowl and this look of relief washes over his face. He didn't understand what I wanted him to do. Now he asks for his agua and nap (napkin), which I give him, and he eats. By this point the fact that he was using his hands to eat mashed potatos was out of scope for me to worry about. One battle at a time. For the rest of the evening he is an adorable happy little peach.
While sitting at the dinner table I am also having a conversation with Allyson. This morning she snuck downstairs and stole about $2.50 worth of change from my change basket to put in her purse. We have had this same sort of problem before with candy, granola bars, and taking toys that are going to be hers but I haven't given her yet off the counter and opening them/taking them upstairs to play with them. In all cases she knows she has been bad because she tries to hide the evidence. Each time, whatever she has stolen gets confiscated for a week or some sort of privilege is suspended. Today she is heartbroken to have lost her new fancy beaded purse for a week. We had a serious talk this morning about my being disappointed and if she is as sorry as she says she wouldn't keep doing this (she was hysterically crying and just repeating 'I'm sorry mommy', which makes me sound awful, but I didn't yell or raise my voice or anything, I swear). At the dinner table tonight she brings it up and says she is sorry she stole from me and she will never do it again. I said I hoped she didn't because it made me sad when she was naughty. I told her that if I stole something just because I wanted it the police would come and put me in jail.
Allyson: If I am a teenager and I steal, will I go to jail?
Me: yes, a special jail for kids.
Allyson: and all I could do is read all day?
Me: you could read, but you would also have to work, and you wouldn't be able to play with or see your friends and you wouldn't get to see your family and I would miss you. But you are a good girl and that is why I am trying to teach you to be good so you don't get in trouble like that.
Allyson: and Santa would be upset with me and not bring me gifts.
uhhhh, yeah, Santa would be upset too. It was at this point that she started getting a little sad and needed a hug, saying Santa knew she stole money from me that morning and probably wasn't going to bring her any gifts at Christmas. Then she asked if the police were going to come for her. I assured her that the police weren't coming and Santa was okay, because she and I were talking about it and she is sorry and learning from this and I'm not mad but trying to teach her that there are consequences for her behavior.
Parenting is hard. I love my children so much it hurts. And I only get one chance to raise them and be a good parent. But knowing what the right thing to do sometimes is hard, especially when it comes to discipline. I don't just mean 'you're in trouble' discipline, but being consistent about rules and expectations, and what is age appropriate. There is a lot of worrying not just about their development but about whether I'm doin' it right. I will inevitably make mistakes. I just am trying to avoid making big ones.
*The chart above obviously doesn't take into account the child's temperment or special issues either. Save your flame comments, it is an oversimplification for entertainment purposes. Lighten up.
I was almost done writing a blog entry about my second day at ECCC and searched for video of Shatner's SNL skit about Trek conventions from the 80's to illustrate a point. Based on my search results I went to video.aol.com to get a video clip, the site launched a suspicious popup that clicking the red 'close' X wouldn't close (it launched another popup), so I killed those two browser instances from taskmanager - and alll three of my browser instances promptly disappeared and I lost my blogpost. Pfffft. I'll try again tomorrow, I don't feel like spending all night blogging. I'm going downstairs to play XBox.
Aside from this blogging failure, it has been a great night with the kids. Dinner outside in the sun, lots of smiles and laughs and hugs (the best thing is when my son sees me at daycare and runs towards me shouting 'mama mama mama' and throws himself into my arms to be picked up and cuddled) and then bathtime for the kids before bed. So glad the sun is back, at least for a few days... Hope it sticks around. I'm thinking I'll put the kids on their bikes tomorrow evening and I'll walk with them someplace nearby for dinner.
Christopher loves his big sister a lot. Which is actually one of our sources of conflict at home – he wants to do everything with her, touch her hand or arm in the car, follow her around, etc. But sometimes she wants him to leave her and her stuff alone. I remember that from when I was a kid and my younger sister would puppydog me (kindergarten/5th grade age gap). I thought it was a problem because of the big age gap, but no, apparently it happens with small age gaps too.
I’m working with Allyson to help her understand and appreciate that he loves her and that is a good thing. I try to do things with each of them individually and as a group so she feels like she can have private time away from him sometimes. I don’t ever want her feeling like a mini-parent or live in nanny just because she is the big sister. I work a lot on age-appropriate responsibility for both of them (put away your shoes, take care of your toys type stuff). Sometimes I have to remind myself of their ages and re-set my expectations appropriately though - Allyson is so smart it is easy to forget she is just 5...
My kids gums are suddenly, overnight, red and swollen, and bleeding every time their teeth are brushed. As a result, there is a lot of crying now. They went to the dentist yesterday for a checkup/cleaning and it is actually worse today. Someone suggested it might be a vitamin C deficiency, so I'm going to give that a try for the next few days.
I can hear the harddrive on my home computer clicking away. This is not a good sign. It may have hours or days left in it. But I don't think much more than that.
My week has been consumed by responding to something that shouldn't have happened. I spent a lot of time last week trying to make sure it wouldn't happen. But it did, and now people are wishing they had listened. I could be happy that I was right, but I would rather be personally wrong than in the current situation which impacts far more than just me.
Allyson got four vaccines this morning at her pediatrician visit. I have never seen her cry and scream like that, trying to get her arms away from the nurse. I had to look away so she wouldn't see me cry.
I'm presenting at TechReady next week. I have MC'ed and organized conferences, but haven't been a speaker at one since 1998. And last week my co-presenter was job eliminated. So I am trying to build confidence and my knowledge base to be able to deliver the presentation solo.
Wow, the computer sounds awful. Glad I have a work laptop.
And oddly, even with all this, life is ok. It is all temporary, transient crap. So I know things will get better. I'm eating a super tasty smoked cheddar cheese on cracked pepper crackers, I'm going to take a long relaxing shower in a bit, and I'm working on writing my job commitments (ok, that isn't so fun, but stay with me here). I'm excited about something I wrote this afternoon that should go public *soon*, because I have been struggling with writing documents at work on different topics but this one came easily and I think is really good. Feeling competent is nice. So is feeling hopeful about the future. And I am feeling both tonight.
Though I am not hopeful about the future of my harddrive. That bitch is definitely dying soon.
Housekeeping is not a sport but I feel like I won or achieved something tonight because I have accomplished so much in the last four days. So far in 2009 I have helped friends paint and install crown moulding which was awesome to finally learn how to do, I've always been intimidated by the compound angles in crown moulding. Plus these friends are fun to be with, even when it is doing projects that aren't typically considered 'fun', like cleaning and organizing a garage. A couple days later I had these same friends over for dinner and let the kids stay up a little later than usual to play, then the adults played scrabble all night long, talking and having a great time. Another night I had other friends over for dinner and 'art night', where after eating and putting the kids to bed the three of us went to my garage to paint or draw (yes, I have another painting that I love as a result, I'm getting pretty addicted to this painting thing). And still, throughout the weekend I got a ton done. I found ways to turn laundry into a game for the kids to get them to help and not hinder as I worked my way through a mountain of dirty clothes - I think I've done about 8-10 loads so far, and have 2 or 3 to go before we are out of dirty laundry. Allyson helped match socks. Chris helped me change sheets and make beds, giggling and playing, and jumping happily on the beds. Two big boxes that have monopolized my bathroom space for weeks were finally opened and sorted, and both kids took shoes and clothing I was sorting and put things in a box for charity while I put the 'keeper' things that still fit away. My bedroom and the kids bedroom is clean and tidy. My bathroom still has cluttered countertops but is MUCH cleaner than before. Chris helped me vacuum and dust my room (he pushed the power button, then jumped on the bed, cheering me on). The linen closet got cleaned out and re-organized. I hung a new coat rack. Several loads of dishes have been washed and my sink/stove/counters scrubbed. And it wasn't all work during the days - Allyson (and Chris, to a lesser degree) watched princess movies. Both kids finally have enough toys at my place that they engaged in both independent and cooperative play more than they did pre-Christmas. We had good family brunches, snacktimes, and dinners. The kids had a long playful bath. I had a long relaxing shower tonight. It has been a great few days with the kids.
Talking to a friend recently we discussed the idea of being messy versus dirty. I am not dirty (hold your inappropriate jokes please) with dust, dirt, grime, smears, or dried food on things (with the exception of the ceiling fan in my living room, I still need to get a ladder and get up there to clean the blades, it is totally grossing me out that I can see they are dirty while lying on the couch). But despite my borderline OCD love for organization, lists, labels, containers, cleaning supplies, etc I do tend to be messy and clutter prone if I don't really stay on top of things around the house. There are still clutter spots bothering me that I want to work on, but overall I'm really excited to look around and see so many clean and organized rooms. And I know what I want to do to solve the remaining clutter spots - in some cases I need to invest in organizational tools but not all will require financial outlay, some will just require time to tease apart and put in order. Hopefully I'll continue making forward progress this week even though it's back to a normal work schedule and the slack time of the holidays is over...
edit: the last few days of 2008 weren't bad either; I had a couple friends over for dinner and a music game we call Top 3, and went to a friend's house in Seattle for New Years Eve and a couple hours of Rock Band. It has been a pretty great week all-in-all.
Today started off without any children vomiting, so already that was better than the day before when Christopher barfed for the first of three times around 6:45 am. I had gone to bed far too late so I was sleep deprived all day - not a big deal normally, but at 11 am in a moment of significant acute stress I popped a brutal migraine headache that stayed with me the rest of the day. Codeine + sleep dep + responsibility for 2 small children = bad idea. So I took Advil to no avail all day till they went to bed, then went to bed early myself. Aside from the early morning boybarfing and the headache the day wasn't bad, in fact Christopher taking a long nap with his head in my lap while we watched Sleeping Beauty was incredibly sweet, and we spent a lot of the day reading books together which was nice. I just was in pain most of the day.
I woke up with the headache still this morning and was worried the day would be awful, but after some more Advil and a trip out of the house to the grocery store it cleared up. Going to the store this morning at 9:30 am was surreal. The snow conditions were keeping most people home, so the roads and parking lots were deserted. It was very quiet and still out, and very cold and dry, and the surface of the snow had a thin crust on it like you were walking on creme brulee. The store was pretty much deserted except for a few employees. So we got our shopping done, hit the sbux drive through, and came home for breakfast. I bought blueberry Eggo waffles which Christopher had never had before; his reaction was (literally!) "nom nom nom". It isn't just a LOLcats thing, nom nom nom is something little kids actually say when they are eating something they like. It's hysterical.
After breakfast, we cut out snowflakes out of paper towels. Allyson has wanted to do this for days. I don't have kid scissors (they are on the shopping list now) so really I did all the folding and cutting. I also did the painting, though for hers I did have her tell me what shapes to cut and what colors to put where. In the photo below the food coloring + water "paint" is still drying, which is why they are on aluminum foil. The all blue snowflake is mine. To its right is Christopher’s. Allyson didn't like her first one (lower right) after seeing his and concluding it was prettier so she has two. Her 2nd looks more like the sun than a snowflake, but since I refuse to allow yellow snow (the red and green are at Allyson’s insistence) it isn't as sun-like as it could have been.
Hoping for a repeat of the Saturday lap nap, we then watched The Incredibles while the snow silently fell outside the window behind the Christmas tree. All of us cuddled up on the couch, it was really nice. Even if Chris didn't take a nap. :) He is starting to talk a lot more. After The Incredibles he actively demanded Cars, so we diverted Ratatouille briefly and ended up with a triple feature (though the Little Chef was half before and half after our own dinner) instead of the double I'd initially planned. Yeah, it was a Pixar kind of day but not just mindless vegging in front of the tv - we had lots of cuddling, hugging, and nice interaction. It was so funny after dinner, Allyson took some things upstairs to the laundry and came back down, but went into the living room instead of the kitchen. Our routine is to brush teeth there, and Christopher is first. He was done, so he went and looking for Allyson, calling her name, and when he found her, telling her 'Allyson, teeth' over and over. Of course it sounds more like 'Ahsun, tee' but I recognized what he was saying. He is trying to communicate verbally more than he was a month ago, which is such a relief...
Today was just about the perfect snow day.
I learned something that I thought I would share with the rest of you who are not blessed to have a young girl to shop for. In case you were under the mistaken belief that the sweet (though proportionally unlikely) Barbie Dolls you remember growing up with still are for little girls:
The models, starlets, and pin ups:
Eating disorder and tranquilizer addictions sold separately.
The bad girls from Grease:
No good loser boyfriends and obnoxious chewing gum not included.
Comic book fetish dolls…
OK OK OK I admit I briefly had Batgirl in my cart today, but I put her back. Focus on the kids…
But Mattel has something still for the feminists who see Barbie dolls as a plague on our youth:
Barbie For President 2008
I guess the Gentlemen Prefer Blondes dress is so she can sing to the First Man? Marilyn wig sold separately.
Space Camp Barbie:
That’s right bitches, Barbie is an astrophysicist or at least a rocket scientist. Though if she is a black astronaut that costs over 50% more than if she is caucasian - apparently the black female astronaut is rare like a unicorn, and priced accordingly.
However all the other careers Barbie can choose are: Pet sitter, Baby photographer, Art teacher, Ballet teacher, Swim instructor, TV chef, Pastry baker, teacher, veterinarian, pediatrician… you know, all the GIRL APPROPRIATE professions. I want to see the Barbie Welder or Barbie Construction Worker or Barbie Computer Scientist or Barbie Race Car Driver or Barbie Heart Surgeon. It doesn’t actually matter if the kids want those dolls, cranky moms like me will buy them anyway. I very nearly got my daughter the Space Camp Barbie just because I thought it was awesome that they made her an astrophysicist. Because if THAT Barbie says ‘math is hard, let’s go shopping’, she is going to blow her re-entry sequence and burn up in the earth’s atmosphere.
sort of an extended series of tweets.
tonight i'm doing general parent homework type stuff to prep for tomorrow morning. Chris had tubes in his ears that fell out (which is natural) but there is fluid behind his eardrums again. So he has a morning pediatrican appt for us to discuss putting tubes back in (we prefer this to doping him up on decongestants every day for the forseeable future).
Also doing paperwork for the kids new daycare. I have grown to hate their current daycare with a fury. not much longer until the switch.
synching my iphone to my outlook calendar for the first time in > 1 month.
folding a mountain of laundry.
i really need to buy small kid sized hangers for Allyson's dresses.
i hate laundry.
too many things i want to do tonight and not enough time to do them all. meh.
The other day I tried painting for the first time. I haven't shown my "art" to anyone, but my kids have seen it in the garage. Now Allyson begs me every day to paint a picture like it for her.
I still might paint over it. We'll see. At least someone likes it.
hm. ok, that sounds like I'm asserting that no one likes it, and obviously that isn't true. For starters, no one has seen it to form an opinion on it. And I like it, I just know it isn't very good. I like it for the experience more than for the result. Sort of like taking a cruise - you're on it for the journey, not the destination.
